Canada! It was pretty amazing...

Two weeks ago today I had no idea that I was starting one of the most amazing weeks of my life. The phrase "The time of my life" took on a whole new meaning.
Okay, back story. I turned the big 3-0 on December 23rd. My sweet baby brother had, much earlier in the year, begun work on a huge surprise. He put into play a plan to send me to Canada to meet my friend of 11 years, Jackie. Jackie and I actually met online and became the modern day version of pen pals (which did actually include some snail mail too!) and over the years, sharing many of life's ups and downs, we became fast friends. I tell people all of the time that I truly believe the Lord gave her to me. Well we've talked for years about meeting "someday" but that someday continued to elude us. Until January 12, 2015. Aside from the amazingness of actually, finally meeting her it was a crazy adventure in and of itself. I hadn't flown since a very young child, virtually no memory of it, so it was essentially my first time flying. And I was doing it alone! lol I told one of my piano students at one point when discussing his overseas trip with his dad that at least he had his dad with him, I had to pretend to be an adult! Haha The anticipation and foreignness of it really was what was killing. Turns out I love flying 😋 I just told a friend last night (when discussing my trip for about the 100th time) that I don't understand how someone can come away from a flight not believing in the Lord. The whole experience is so amazing. It's secluding in a way like few other experiences so that it's really just you and Him up there. And even if you love it there's still a little bit of fear lol Which leads to more communication with the Lord. At one point too, the first time we took off, I was just in awe of how much of the world you could see at a glance. I was so, so far above everything that was going on below. And it occurred to me that that's the way it is with the Lord. Everything feels so big in our world. Interactions with people. Life moments. Incidents. And there are times when I fear that the Lord maybe can't see it all, can't keep up on everything, doesn't really know everything that's going on, and then I start trying to help Him 😕 I know. I'm crazy. But I was very strongly reminded from my window seat as I saw a lot more below me than just my own small part of the world that that's how it is with the Lord. He sees the whole picture. He sees two people who are about to collide worlds. He sees the before and after of each little incident. He sees it all. And I need to remember that. So yeah, I got off the plane closer to the Lord than when I got on. It was pretty amazing.
Okay, I will try to speed this up instead of going day by day ... since I was gone for 6 days ... lol
Meeting Jackie and her lovely family was amazing. It was like meeting your best friend for the first time but you are already best friends 😊 I'd told my sister for years that I felt that Jackie and I was as close as we could be without meeting. So we filled each moment with all of the little bits of us that we'd never talked about or shared or asked. We filled in as many of the holes that we could. And I think we did a pretty good job too lol We stayed up late each night without fail. Tired or not! Haha We were limited on time and we felt it. But, it was still amazing 😊
We saw the sites, Lynde Shores, downtown Toronto, the Eaton Center, Ardenes (which I love!!!), country stores, dollar stores, Tim Hortons, and of course we had to go to Starbucks once. 😊 Something else we'd always talked about "someday". And it was amazing too. We sat and talked for over an hour and it was great. Filled in a few more of those little holes. Then there was Niagara Falls. Wow. Awesome doesn't describe it. To be completely honest, when I was younger I felt it was very cliché and I didn't care about seeing it. But the older I've gotten the greater the desire to see it. And those who had been already and tried to describe it to me could not have prepared me for the awesome beauty. The roar you can hear long before you even get to the observation deck. The mist that fills the sky above the falls. The dark, emerald green of the water. The size of it! It was so beautiful. And then I would take two steps to my right or left and it was like seeing a whole new falls! haha Needless to say I took ... a bunch of pictures.
All of the sites were amazing but the people were the best part. Of course meeting Jackie for real finally. And she still liked me! Ha! Yes, I actually had a moment of fear where I thought maybe she wouldn't like me in person. 😋 I got over it quickly. 😉 Her adorable, sweet, so cute (oops, handsome. Sorry, Jedi 😉 ) children. They were each so special and I didn't have half enough time to get to know them the way I would have loved to. I got to meet a good friend of Jackie's at church which was so exciting. I had heard so much about her and had such respect for her already that we hit it off instantly and I think maybe we could have talked an afternoon away had you given us a chance. I also got to me Jackie's family. Love her mama. She reminded me so much of my mama. Still a mama, even to her grown children 😊 Oh and when she talked about the light switches at church I knew I'd found a fellow servant 😉 Had a great time hanging out with Jackie's sister one afternoon. It was so much fun to see the kids mess around with her. And I had the pleasure of meeting a fellow pianist/piano teacher! Might not seem like much but in my small part of the world I don't get to do that very often. The two hours we had weren't enough to fully explore styles and techniques like I'd hoped.
The whole trip ... oops! I left out Scott. Dear. Ornery. Scott. Haha He, just like everyone else, exceeded my expectations. His love for the Lord and His work and His people is exciting to see and his whole family was like that.
As I was saying, the whole trip was a perfect balance of sights and fellowship. It was an experience that I couldn't have prepared for. That I had no way of imagining how amazing it would be. My home-body trepidations were quickly scattered into the wind and I was only constantly mesmerized by the whole experience each moment of each day. I am beyond thankful to my family and friends who made it all possible. I was unbelievably, undeservedly blessed. And even with saying all of that I feel like it's just a drop in the bucket! But, if I continue I'll just have to write a book. 😊 So I'll just leave you there. 😊

 

I'll post more amazing pics on Facebook ☺️

But If Not....

So 2015 is chock full of plans already. And I'm freaking out. My comfort zone is being threatened in many ways. And as excited as I am for each adventure, each chance to grow without a normal life event, there is a definite air of nervousness. My heart is being challenged. Bottom line, I'm kind of a mess! lol I think we've already established that though.... And all of this stress is making me want to run in the wrong direction. I want to run towards what I think will calm and comfort me when I ought to be running to the Lord and resting in Him. The part that scares me the most though is that He might not do what I think He should do! Think I have a trust problem?? lol So amidst all of this stress and craziness I read a verse in Daniel today. Actually it was just three words, "But if not...". It's when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are being threatened with the fiery furnace if they won't bow down to the idol. They state that God can deliver them...if He chooses to...then they say, "But if not..." they still won't bow down. Because God is still God. Right is still right. And He is still good no matter what He does, not matter what we think He should do.

But if not....if He doesn't keep me from the fire...if He doesn't take away the pain...if He doesn't make things easier...if He doesn't give me what I think I want...if He doesn't ____....but if not. I will still love Him. I will still serve Him.

But if not....those three words have had a physical effect on my heart today. But hopefully...prayerfully...it's the effect I need to gird up and step forward in faith. 

Another Year...Another Decade!

It's one o'clock in the morning so my birthday is officially over. This was a big one. At approximately eight o'clock this morning I left the twenties forever and joined the thirty club. It's been ... exciting. LoL I've been on and off freaking out about this for some time now...about two years. lol And now it's here. 

I'm not completely freaked out though. There's a part of me that's truly excited. I'm proud of thirty. Thankful to be here. I've worked hard for thirty! My twenties were hard. There were some crazy highs but some dark lows too. They were, in many ways, easier than my teens but still brought their own share of life lessons. And I didn't always learn them gracefully or easily. I worked. I fought. I failed. I learned. I dealt. I stumbled. I grew. 

I think the hardest part about thirty, the part that freaked me out a little bit, is that my social status isn't what I thought it would be at thirty. Married. Husband. Children. Ya know... But what's a social status? Just that. And it actually holds no bearing on my value. My value lies in Christ and He loved me enough to die for me. My position isn't what I thought it would be. Instead it's Auntie to a handful of amazing nieces. It's servant and co-laborer of the Lord. It's Miss Sarah to a bunch of bouncing babies in my church nursery. It's youth worker to some of the craziest, awesomest teens in North Platte (or anywhere!). And those are just brief descriptions of some of the most fulfilling moments of my life. Is thirty what I thought it would be? No. But it's what God thought it would be and that's better than any plan I could have conceived of. And now I can't wait to see what He has in store for the thirties! :-)

Nap time!

Two days a week I am a full time-stay at home auntie. While I help out with my nieces the other days of the week these two days are "my" days to take care of the girls while mama is working and going to school. I love my nieces more than anyone will ever know. They are the light, pride, and joys of my life and mean more to me than my own life. And boy do they know how to wear me out! LoL I'm getting what I believe to be a small taste of motherhood....and it's as tiring as it is amazing! Take nap time for example....

Stayed up late so when 1 year old is bright eyed and yelling before 8, I'm not. I get up anyway though cuz that's what you do (and if I don't then she'll be waking up 4 year old before she's done with her beauty sleep!). We eat, shower, and play and before long 4 year old is up. I'm being held together by prayer and praise music at this point though I'm still managing to be productive! One year old morning naps. Back up and now it's after noon and nap time again! Babies are sleeping so time for a cat nap for me too! But even though I was exhausted moments before, as soon as four eyes are closed in sleep....mine pop open and will NOT stay closed! What is it about those moments that are so enticing??? Suddenly I feel as if I can do anything! The possibilities are endless! I could work on that baby blanket that I want done by Sat (and isn't even close to done); I could do the dishes without baby girl hands pulling out all of the Tupperware; I could read my Bible without stopping a catastrophe every other word; I could mop the floor which hasn't been done in ....... a while; I could bake something yummy; I could pick up the living room and just sit in it's cleaness; I could be insanely idle and watch an auntie show; I could pick up a book for the first time in months; I could finish getting dressed! I contemplate the many tempting options.....and decide to blog about it all instead. Haha! But time those moments will be over soon and then I'll be cuddling, feeding, changing, and saving sweet girls from eating/doing something they shouldn't so I'm gonna go do one or two of those things on that list real quick! Enjoy your moments today!

The One Thing I Know

These days I don't know anything. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to NOT think/say/do! I don't know how all of this is going to work out. Or if it's going to. I don't know my right from my left. I don't know what He's doing. Or why He's doing it. I don't know if I'll be able to last another day. I just don't know. But the one thing I do know is Romans 8:28: "And we KNOW that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." I KNOW that if I'll just follow Him, one baby step at a time, it WILL all work out. And this one thing I know is enough to get me through all of the 101 things that I don't know.

Just say No??

So like most women out there, I have a very hard time saying no to people. Friends, family, enemies....lol If you ask me to do something, I feel morally obligated to say yes. But that's finally starting to change. I'm realizing it's healthy and good (GOOD??) to say no sometimes! Yes, I believe the Bible when it says, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others." but I'm realizing that it is FALSE to believe that that means I have to always say yes. It does say "also" on the things of others. So there are times when I need to and can say no. And believe it or not, I do! Every once in awhile. ;-) Like last Saturday? I had committed to do some freezing and such with my mom but then was asked to help out a girlfriend in my church. I was so torn! To tears! lol Yes, I am one of those emotional women lol But then it suddenly became clear, I had made a previous commitment. So I couldn't do the requested task. Case closed! Amazing how simple it is sometimes.....lol
So, just a little reminder that you don't have to meet every bodies needs. You can't! That's God's job. And yes, sometimes He does that through us. But sometimes He does it through someone else. Let them be/get a blessing too ;-)

Her Messiness - That's Me!

"Life is the messy bits". This is one of my all time favorite quotes. So when I was trying to decide what to call my new blog and what to talk about in it, this seemed to be the obvious answer.

We all have our own version of how our perfect life should be. I do! And I'm finding that it's anything but that. LoL 

My perfect life was marry my perfect man, be a perfect wife, have perfect kids, be a perfect mom, have a perfect life! News flash....it didn't happen that way lol Instead.... I am the full time pianist at my church(which means services, choir, ladies ensemble, ladies quartet, funerals, and everything in between that someone might need...I should be practicing right now...), nursery coordinator of our booming nursery (you'd be surprised at the issues I have to mediate there-I need to have another meeting soon...), part of the janitorial team, full time youth worker (which means helping plan, prepare, and pull off weekly events and more), part time photographer (though I am a cameraless photographer at the moment....need to get on that), piano teacher (my piano really, REALLY needs tuning), in home volunteer (not even going to elaborate on what's been going on there), full time auntie to my two adorable, wonderful, ornery, live in nieces (closest thing to parenting I've experienced and it has taught me. A lot.), stay at home daughter who can NOT keep the kitchen clean for a household of nine (no matter how hard I try!), sister, daughter, friend, and still waiting for the Lord to point out my Mr Right. Yeah....I think that covers the high points! And like most women, even though I truly love every part of this, I feel like a failure on a lot of it.....a lot of the time. 

So this is me. Me learning how to love the messy bits. Me learning IN the messy bits. Me seeing if that was a spider I felt in my bed....okay, no! We're good! LoL Me learning to take life one messy bit at a time. Me learning that my life isn't perfect....it's better than any perfect I could have imagined.

So ...... do you wanna join in my messiness?