But If Not....

So 2015 is chock full of plans already. And I'm freaking out. My comfort zone is being threatened in many ways. And as excited as I am for each adventure, each chance to grow without a normal life event, there is a definite air of nervousness. My heart is being challenged. Bottom line, I'm kind of a mess! lol I think we've already established that though.... And all of this stress is making me want to run in the wrong direction. I want to run towards what I think will calm and comfort me when I ought to be running to the Lord and resting in Him. The part that scares me the most though is that He might not do what I think He should do! Think I have a trust problem?? lol So amidst all of this stress and craziness I read a verse in Daniel today. Actually it was just three words, "But if not...". It's when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are being threatened with the fiery furnace if they won't bow down to the idol. They state that God can deliver them...if He chooses to...then they say, "But if not..." they still won't bow down. Because God is still God. Right is still right. And He is still good no matter what He does, not matter what we think He should do.

But if not....if He doesn't keep me from the fire...if He doesn't take away the pain...if He doesn't make things easier...if He doesn't give me what I think I want...if He doesn't ____....but if not. I will still love Him. I will still serve Him.

But if not....those three words have had a physical effect on my heart today. But hopefully...prayerfully...it's the effect I need to gird up and step forward in faith. 

Her Messiness - That's Me!

"Life is the messy bits". This is one of my all time favorite quotes. So when I was trying to decide what to call my new blog and what to talk about in it, this seemed to be the obvious answer.

We all have our own version of how our perfect life should be. I do! And I'm finding that it's anything but that. LoL 

My perfect life was marry my perfect man, be a perfect wife, have perfect kids, be a perfect mom, have a perfect life! News flash....it didn't happen that way lol Instead.... I am the full time pianist at my church(which means services, choir, ladies ensemble, ladies quartet, funerals, and everything in between that someone might need...I should be practicing right now...), nursery coordinator of our booming nursery (you'd be surprised at the issues I have to mediate there-I need to have another meeting soon...), part of the janitorial team, full time youth worker (which means helping plan, prepare, and pull off weekly events and more), part time photographer (though I am a cameraless photographer at the moment....need to get on that), piano teacher (my piano really, REALLY needs tuning), in home volunteer (not even going to elaborate on what's been going on there), full time auntie to my two adorable, wonderful, ornery, live in nieces (closest thing to parenting I've experienced and it has taught me. A lot.), stay at home daughter who can NOT keep the kitchen clean for a household of nine (no matter how hard I try!), sister, daughter, friend, and still waiting for the Lord to point out my Mr Right. Yeah....I think that covers the high points! And like most women, even though I truly love every part of this, I feel like a failure on a lot of it.....a lot of the time. 

So this is me. Me learning how to love the messy bits. Me learning IN the messy bits. Me seeing if that was a spider I felt in my bed....okay, no! We're good! LoL Me learning to take life one messy bit at a time. Me learning that my life isn't perfect....it's better than any perfect I could have imagined.

So ...... do you wanna join in my messiness?